Saxony, Germany



Saxony, Germany

#4 : Domo

Sorry I’m late.

No, I’m not sorry, but you go:

Many subcultures have sold out, whored out, and plain ol’ outed several things. Recently, hipsters have began the whoring out of one of favorite things.

By “thing” I mean I don’t know how else to describe Domo. Hell, he could be a dinosaur for all I know. He came out of a damn egg.

Domo is just one of those strange Japanese things you don’t understand, but you enjoy anyways. 

Basically, you’re a hipster or ignorant about Domo’s history, I’ll give you a brief summary.

I’m just as confused are you are.

Basically, Domo is a mascot for the TV network, NHK, in Japan. These shorts are directed by Tsuneo Gōda, and are about 30 seconds on average. They mainly consist of Domo screwing over the other characters like Mr. Usaji, an old rabbit who wears hipster glasses and drinks Blue Ribbon  tea all day, Maya, an alcoholic bot, her son Mario(Irony), Hungry Bear, a seemingly autistic bear resembling McDonald’s the Grimace, the Fox Trio, The Ghost, and some fairy flower things. Sorry I’m too lazy to describe the last five characters. Look them up yourself.

I could live off those shorts.

But that’s for another article…

How are hipsters ruining Domo?

Look, I don’t have a problem with you wearing a Domo shirt, but once that shirt has nerd glasses, mustaches, or other assorted bullshit, that’s when I rage. Just look at this:

In case you haven’t read my last two articles, this shirt is the equivalent of raping the Virgin Mary, making Buddha cry, and pissing on my grave.

As stated in my last two articles, being a “nerd” and fake facial hair IS NOT COOL. And putting this on Domo is disgusting. 

Domo doesn’t need this constant whoring out. It’s bad enough he’s a TV mascot, he doesn’t need to be the mascot of Hipsters too. Domo is something that all people should be able to enjoy, without fear of looking like a tool. 

# 3 : Fake Facial Hair

Yeah, I procrastinated this post for a few days. Shoot me. 

For years I thought one of the funniest ways to poke fun at things(otherwise known as “vandalizing”) was to draw mustaches on said objects, obviously fake and outrageous ones.

Of course, hipsters being their usual gross and smelly selves, decided it would fit best with their awkward personal hygiene program to use outrageous archaic facial hair and plaster it on everything they could find, which includes but not limited to, raping your childhood favorite cartoon characters with facial hair. Example, Domo-kun:

I don’t remember ever seeing Domo with a mustache in ANY of the NHK promos. Don’t know what those are? GTFO, you don’t know what Domo is if you don’t.

It’s not funny anymore. Not even close to funny anymore hipsters. All you’re doing is encouraging scenesters to do the same. All you’re doing is ruining perfectly good cartoon characters like Domo-kun, the Teenage Mutant freakin Ninja Turtles, hell you’ve even ruined Hello Kitty with your nerd glasses and mustache bullshit! 

I actually like Hot Topic and go there quite a bit, but I can’t stand whenever I see Hot Topic stooping down to the levels of hipsters by selling their “mustachitized” bullshit. And don’t get me started on Urban Outfitters. They’re the worst with that stuff. (But their hair massagers are absolutely orgasmic.) 

If not for me, please think of how many people’s childhoods you’re raping by \ selling out and commercializing theses classic cartoons that you barely even know about past their due date. Let the dead be dead. As for the rest of the fake mustaches, it’s just damn stupid. Wash off that fake mustache off your finger. Your finger would appreciate it.

You heard me! Take it off! The mustache that is… 

Yeah, I didn’t write a post today or yesterday. I got homework up the anus. I’ll write one tomorrow. Maybe more if you’re all lucky. Meanwhile, enjoy the link.

#2 : Being a “Nerd”

Yeah, I wear glasses. I developed Strabismus as a baby, son. Don’t know what Strabismus is? Let me Google that for you:

Growing up, you get a lot of shit for wearing glasses. “Four eyes”, “nerd”, and other lovely names for people for wear glasses are all part of elementary school vocabulary. It was never, ever, ever, a cool thing to wear glasses. I mean you usually still had friends and stuff if you had glasses, but when you’re at elementary school age, you’re lethally stupid, and this immature ignorant stupidity causes a lot of kids to look at a kid with glasses as some kind of goddamn freak, and make fun of them. (but there are plenty of weird kids with glasses, trust me)

Of course, having to be against the social norm, what other image would perfectly fit the hipster lifestyle? My race. The race of nerds. 

Take ‘em off bitch.

Every f u c k i n g t i m e I see a hipster with those fake glasses from Hot Topic or Urban Outfitters, it makes me fucking cringe. I didn’t go through being picked on to have later in my life to have some smelly hipster more or less make fun of me by wearing glass pretending that they are “hip”. It’s the same thing as riding around in a fake wheelchair. How would people who are actually paralyzed feel? 

Hipsters are insulting me and anyone who wears glasses like how the poopnoses in elementary school did. They treat glasses as a fashion statement, a thing they can choose to take off and on and their eyes will function the same ways. When I take my glasses off, my eyes drift off into the distance and I can’t look at people straight. Then people make cheap shots at me. Sadface.

It’s not just nerd glasses they ruined. The word “Nerd” is all over their shirts, whether they’re portraying Domo-Kun with glasses, Spongebob with his, or whatever classic character they can ruin.

Some people look good with glasses. Some girls even look more attractive with them on. But hipsters, like everything they borrow from other subcultures, are whoring glasses, the word nerd, and our favorite sport: retro video games, to death. 

So please. All I’m asking is to stop insulting everyone who is visually impaired. 

Stay tuned, I’ll be back tomorrow.

#1: Acoustic Guitars

Last Christmas, my cousin-in-law gave me an acoustic guitar. He tried to pass it off as a new gift, but really it was a guitar that was sitting around his house that nobody used. 

It was a piece of shit. But that’s besides the point.

When it comes to teenage or young adult guitar players, you come across a few types.

First, there’s the type of guitar players that only play because their parents enrolled in some white person guitar program when they were five. They’re also usually involved in several other after school activities, and have a 3.5+ GPA, despite being a complete dumbass. Their musical tastes are usually generic and uninteresting.

Second, there’s the type of guitar player who knows his/her/its shit. These people are tolerable to hang around. They usually listen(or pretend to) to variety of music, ranging from hardcore to alternative rock to punk, whatever punk means anymore. Pretty eclectic tastes right? When you go over to their house, they’ll usually fiddle with their guitars and you sit they’re awkwardly wondering why you don’t have the same talent.

There’s a few more teenage guitar player cliches I’m missing, but let’s get to the part we’ve all been waiting for.

The hipster teenage-to-young-adult guitar player.

Yes. I realize there's a watermark. Don't like it? Go home.

Yes. It has a watermark. Stop crying.

"Electric guitar? No, man. Electricity is too mainstream. I play acoustic guitar with my super underground band. Did I say band? Bands are too mainstream. I meant collection of individuals who want to play awkward indie music."

These are the kind of people who make me feel ashamed to be a musician, if that’s not too mainstream of a word. The acoustic guitar is the heart and soul of indie music, the soundtrack of hipsterdom. 

Hipsters thought for a moment and said to themslves: “We have to musically express ourselves, but it can’t be too mainstream, and it definitely has to fight the man, but it has to be subtle. Acoustic guitars? It doesn’t have a mustache, but they’ll do.”

For hundreds of years, the acoustic guitar was a sexy instrument, a fine art only mastered by the sexiest Hispanic men. Now, it’s the instrument of the smelly indie band sitting outside Target, playing music.

Thanks Hipsters.


I’m Elias.

It’s not that I hate hipsters, I have some good hipster friends. Okay, I don’t have any hipster friends. 

Actually, no, I hate hipsters.

Why do I hate hipsters?

If they had just me and stuff that I like alone, I would leave them and their smelly indie music alone. But no. They had to ruin flat caps, beards, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, among other things, for me, and for millions of others.

But don’t worry. I probably hate your subculture just as much. This is what this blog is about. Stuff Hipsters Ruined and other Subcultural Misdoings.

Enjoy your stay. But if I see one pair of 3-D glasses with the lenses popped out on my couch, just letting you know I’m going to ask you to GTFO.